it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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