I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You're like the curious george of whores
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
