Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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