I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
