some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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