I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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