that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize