She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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