Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
