i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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