At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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