It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
