I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
