You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Be still, my beating vagina.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
