I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
