so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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