We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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