Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
