I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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