A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
