I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
