"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
