i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize