I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
