i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
