There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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