I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
