the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
