yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
