Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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