It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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