I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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