i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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