shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
