Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
