Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
