glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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