We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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