**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
