do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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