if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
