i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
