His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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