So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
