Don't make out with my wife yet
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
