You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
