My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
