my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
the raccoons are back...
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