i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize