i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
