Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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