I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
