he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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