I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
