he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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