Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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