butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
