i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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