you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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