was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
