i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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