I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
