Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
