ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
