I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
