Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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