I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
