Already got asked if we're dating
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
