Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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