Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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