hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
