The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
