he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
