My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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