I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize